February 25, 2005 - 1:42 p.m.

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I have a new Greenday song stuck in my head... "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" I think it is. Nice song, I always liked that band.
I feel too big. I'm at 145 lbs, which really isn't that much. It's still an extra 20 - 25 lbs I'm not used to having, and it's all right in the belly. :) There *is* no comfortable position. And I've been feeling a bit out of breath lately.
Anyway, I got new curtains for my room yesterday. My mom bought them for me. :) I'm so spoiled. They're very pretty, sheer with embroidered vining flowers. From Wal-Mart, believe it or not. I hate Wal-Mart, but we found good stuff there yesterday.
And I really want to finish school, but I'm just not in the mind-frame for it today. It takes a certain "grrr" focused-ness that I just don't have at the moment. But I can't concentrate on anything else, or I should say get involved with anything else at the moment because that is *the* project. It's like I'm just sitting around waiting to get in the mood for it. But I really feel way too big in the belly to sit down and focus on homework, even if it is the last assignment ever. I just can't get comfortable physically let alone mentally.
I was in the right frame of mind yesteday, but I had plans to go grocery shopping with my mother and she was bothered by the idea of my breaking the plans so I didn't.
I feel like I'm changing. I know my body is changing, getting ready for the birth, I can feel it. Last night I think I had what was probably false labor - it felt like a back ache, but the kind I only get when my period is due. And I felt shaky and nauseous. Then it started coming and going, irregularly, and it was in the front too.
I feel like I'm changing on the inside too. My relationship with Josh is just feeling weird. I think I'm remembering myself, who I am on the inside or something. But it's weird because it's making me feel very self-conscious, or like I haven't known him for as long as I have - and not because he's changed but because I have. I can't get undressed in front of him without feeling naked, and we've been sleeping naked in the same bed for a good six months. At least it's amusing him, and he's taking full advantage of it by making a point of staring while I get undressed, which makes me turn red and giggle. So it's not bad, just really strange feeling.