July 09, 2003 - 7:31 p.m.

Achievements

Listening to: The Sisters of Mercy, Colours

Daily Double:

1. What music fo you listen to when you just want to let go?

I think I've put this in before: The Cure, Pornography. It's supposedly their darkest, most depressing, gothiest album, and that's probably an accurate description. It's very cathartic, and always (for me) winds up being much more uplifting than music that's supposed to be uplifting. I guess it externalizes any bad feelings I'm having. Whatever, it's gotten me out of quite a few bad moods. The Sisters of Mercy, Floodland also has a similar effect.

2. What do you want to achieve by the end of the year?

Ah, that's a good one. By the end of the year I want to be a happy again. I'm not aiming for the happy, bouncy, nothing-could-be-better person I was when I was little, since that's impossible. However, I'd at least like a consistent feeling of peace with myself and my place in the world. The world itself I'll never be happy with, but I think I can at least be content with my life, what I'm doing, who I am. I don't think I've felt like that (consistently) since I was fourteen.

I want to make some friends, too. That'll be difficult. Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I've ever had any. I was friends with the kids in my neighborhood when I was little, but they picked on me consistenly. Since I've been a teenager nobody's been mean like that, but all I've had for friends are acquaintances at school or work. They're nice, but somehow I doubt it's the same thing as having real, close friends. Plus I haven't talked to any of them for nearly a year.

What else? Let's see, I want to get a job. I was looking recently, but kind of gave up. Also, I want to get involved in community theater again.

Also I want to get my desk cleaned up and all my chores finished. Yes, that'll probably take me until the end of the year if it happens at all.

Those will be some big achievements, if I can indeed achieve them.

(There's another entry just a few hours before this one if you haven't seen it.)